Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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