just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sobbing to NWA
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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