K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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