I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
