you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
