When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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