I CAN MOONWALK!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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