420 ftw
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
