good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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