he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
