remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize