In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
