In the future we'll all be gay
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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