How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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