My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize