So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
