great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
