Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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