new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
