I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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