I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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