Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
