Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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