and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
