Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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