the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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