you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
