real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
