Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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