ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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