i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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