So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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