When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
