Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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