Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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