Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
