making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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