I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
