I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
