The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
