im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
