ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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