Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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