Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
