Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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