Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have fence marks all over my body
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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