Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
