Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
