We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
