i barfeds in our rink
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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