The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
