shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
