help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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