You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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