She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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