We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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