Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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