you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
