He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she peed on how many people?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
