i need an iv and a liver transplant
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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